Make the Freshman 15 a Joke

These are the top 5 myths to keep in mind when working towards fitness.

1. Spot Reduction
This is one of the most prevalent and also most ridiculous myths about fitness. How do you lose stomach fat? Do crunches. How do you get rid of fat on your thighs? Do squats.
NO NO and NO. You cannot magic fat away from a certain part of your body! The places fat is stored on each individual's body is largely determined by their genetic make-up. When losing weight, it gradually disappears from all over the body, not one targeted area.

2. It's Easy!
Check out this Ab Circle ad. Already it violates two of these common myths. It clearly promotes the idea that you can lose all the fat off your "core" just by swinging your lower body around for 10 minutes a day! Awesome.
Not really. It looks like gravity is doing all the work.

3. Just Exercise
Exercise can accelerate weight loss without dieting. This is true, exercise will truly speed up the process. Only exercising however will be much, much harder and slower than dieting and exercising. This is a core reason why people stop workout plans when the pounds don't shed, they are only doing a small amount of exercise that isn't enough to create a caloric deficit. Diet is important.

4. Gain Muscle, Lose Fat
This idea is completely and utterly impossible. Gaining muscle requires a caloric excess(eat more calories than you burn) so that the muscle can be built using these excess calories. Losing fat requires a caloric deficit(burn more than consumed) so that the body will turn to fat stores for energy.

5. It's Easy
10 minutes a day, 2 times a week will never help you lose weight. Getting in shape requires dedication and discipline to hit the gym and maintain strict eating habits day-in and day-out. There are no compromises. Eating a caloric deficit to burn fat creates the feeling of constantly hungry and tired throughout the day. It sucks. And yet the feeling of accomplishment and renewed energy once you are done is more than worth it.


I will be occasionally blogging on fitness and athletic performance. They are important issues for me and college students in general. I am truly tired of seeing the same myths perpetrated over and over so that people begin to believe them. Fitness is key to my athletic performance and as such, I have researched it for years now. My daily log of training is kept here.

Get into the College Routine

Listen to the first 30 seconds:


Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door
I'm gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back
I'm talking - pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite cd's
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Yeah that just happened. If your college routine looks like this on the weekdays, the only route to success will be an occupation as a gold-digger.


One of the most important elements to my success in college is getting into a consistent routine. Last semester consisted of 3 days-a-week 9a.m. classes and Tuesday-Thursday 8a.m. classes. This killed me enough for my first semester and my sleeping habits really suffered. I was taking 3+ hour naps at least once a week and my running performance crashed. My general mood went downhill and feeling bored and crappy was not at all unusual for me.

This semester I have 8 o'clocks MWF and to my surprise, I'm actually enjoying them. Ethics starts at 8a.m. and is followed by Intermediate Calc at 9a.m. A normal alarm is set for around 7:30 to give me time to shower real quick and grab some food before heading on the hellish walk to seminary. Now I'm really not a masochist but I've found a way to make this work for me.

The majority of my day finishes at 10a.m. when Calculus lets out. I breathe and immediate sigh of release and then go watch a few episodes of whatever sitcom my hall is currently obsessed with(How I Met Your Mother is awesome). I really have about 6 straight hours to do what I want until track practice begins at 4. So far I haven't been busy with any projects or homework but nearing the end of the semester this time will be great for me. How will I stay focused for 6 hours when I have homework to do?

Timeboxing. This is a great time management technique that really allows procrastinators to get their work done on time. The basic technique consists of allotting a specific amount of time for an activity and sticking to it. Say I have to write a draft for Ethics and it is due tomorrow. I'll give myself 45 minutes to do it, no more, no less. After that 45 minutes whatever I have on paper will be what I take to class the next day. This ensures that ridiculous amounts of time aren't spend being a perfectionist and also that a very poor draft isn't whipped up quickly and abandoned. I've been using this technique since the end of last semester and already I've noticed myself procrastinating less and doing more quality work.

To distill this down a tad: my MWF Friday consists of breakfast at 7:45, classes from 8-10am and then approximately 2.5 hours where I can timebox different academic or slacking activities in. Class at 1240-130 and then a few more hours to use until practice. I get together with a bunch of close friends and we'll get our calc done together after supper. Then, since the day was spent doing all my work, I have a few hours to do whatever I like at night. Ping-pong/P-Diddy here I come. Moral of the story: Maybe you can live like Kesha and be successful in college.

P.S. Advance apologies for getting that song stuck in your head.

7 Reasons Why Jesus Did Not Teleport Me to College

1. The Angels would become jealous.
Even the angels must forcibly flap their wings for movement.

2. Americans would become even more fat.
If one person is teleported to college, everyone would want to get teleported. Freshman 500 here we come.

3.The Devil would notice.
With the Devil's full attention focused on me, world hunger, wars, and Scientology would all cease to exist. Worthy trade...? Well, maybe just to get rid of Scientology.

4.Discovery Channel would write a documentary.
And still, no one would watch it.

5.God would spank Jesus.
Naughty, naughty child.

6. The resulting slipstream explosion would destroy all of Harrisonburg.
See Halo 2(Bungie, 2004).

7. Gene Rodenberry would sue Jesus.
Transporter technology is strictly copyrighted by the Star Trek franchise.


Just a few reasons why my prayers went unanswered and I was forced to endure a 12-hour drive to EMU.

Every Cool Kid...

spends their Saturday nights at home blogging.

Micheal Cera and I were chilling the other day having some awkward conversation like every good star-normalguy relationship needs. After a few minutes of gazing into his eyes I realized it was about time for me to say something. I gazed more thoughtfully this time, and stammered out:

"Soooooooo.. *cough* how do you spend your Saturday nights?"

The words barely left my lips before pictures began to flood my mind. Mr. Cera spends his Friday nights IN 'DIS CLUB mackin on the women under the flashing strobe lights and pretending to be 21 with his lemon-water("On the rocks please"). Oh wait, breaking news: MICHEAL CERA IS 21 (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0148418/). My apologies Mr. Cera.

"Blogging.."

Supermodels grinding on Micheal vanished. Lemon water with it.
I stood up and promptly walked off.


I amuse myself too much. Judging by the above it would seem to be a curse because I highly doubt that anyone else will find that as hilarious as I did while I was writing. The fact of the matter is - SELF AMUSEMENT IS AWESOME.

How do you survive your Computer Science professor droning on about things you learned in 8th grade. Amuse yourself.
Think up the most ridiculous situation in your head and roll with it.
"How would my teacher respond when Eva Longoria walks in?"
Well obviously, as a CompSci professor he would stutter and stammer and stare at her breasts. Eva would shoot a look into his eyes, towards her chest and back to his eyes. Lick her lips and pounce him. Or maybe he would order her into her seat and she could take notes on the intricacies of DNS servers while the students hurried to grab their cell-phone cameras for proof.
It's up to you to decide.

Self-Amusement is a skill to be developed through practice. Bring yourself through boring class periods, entertain your friends, and write awesome blog posts. The great thing about Self-Amusement is the vibe that you put out. Even passer-bys can see the hilarity and awesomeness that is radiated when someone is self-amusing. It just screams the fact that the individual is approachable and a serious source of fun. State the amusements outloud and soon friends will join in, creating more and more ridiculous situations and jokes until laughs are etched onto faces and everyone feels as if they just finished 50 situps.

The intrapersonal effects are even greater for individuals who have a habit of Self-Amusement. Where is the chance of depression when positive endorphins can be injected with a single thought? I notice myself feeling a lot more confident and positive after I've been through a session of amusement with my friends. The high feeling of being able to tackle any problem is one that thousands of people have turned to serious drugs for. Save yourself the money and side effects and practice your skillzzz.

Every Cool Kid.... Self-Amuses.